if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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