forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
