i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
