last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
