cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
