I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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