I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
