Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Green mimosas i think yes
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
