can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
