Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
