i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
