I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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