his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
