I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
