Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
