so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
