Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
