let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
