FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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