Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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