yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it hurts more in the daytime
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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