i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
