Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
