Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
