you traded sex for a burrito?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
