Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
