We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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