I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
