i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
