The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
