Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
