Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can't turn off my feet"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
