I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I had to cum in my sink.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
