WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
