I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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