erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
