OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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