Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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