i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
