I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
