well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
