We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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