i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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