well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
