We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
