I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Success! We fucked roommates!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
