Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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