My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It was confusing and full of hummus
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
