Little spoons don't ask big questions
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
