I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
